Swill! Precious swill!

Though it's relatively well-known that I usually despise e-mail surveys, I figured that this might placate readers' hunger for a post. Somewhat.

Have you ever...

-Snuck out of the house? A couple of times. Busted by the dogs upon my return, usually.

-Gotten lost in your city/town? Thorold is a big area, compared to what I'm used to. Not back home though, couldn't if I tired.

-Seen a shooting star? Yeah, I think a whole shower at Kev's cottage once, too.

-Been to any other countries besides yours? France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Luxembourg, The Netherlands, Denmark, Italy, Spain, Belgium, Monaco, Morocco, the States, and The Bahamas. The Bahamas suck, for the record.

-Had serious surgery? Twice, both trying to recover vision in my left eye, to no avail.

-Gone out in public in your pyjamas? Not recently, but my housecoat doubles as a wonderful Jedi robe.

-Kissed a stranger? Not that I can recall?

-Hugged a stranger? Probably.

-Been in a fist fight? I've gotten my ass kicked a few times, but random slugs have been tossed around here and there.

-Been arrested? Nearly, but it was a false alarm. Long story.

-Done drugs? MAN, THERE ARE SO MANY COLOURS ON THE SCREEN. I CAN'T TAKE THIS! BLARRGH!

-Had alcohol? Oh, never. And by "never," I mean "yes, very much so."

-Laughed and had fizzy drink come out of your nose? Actually no, I've never had the displeasure. I don't laugh that way, I guess. I just choke.

-Pushed all the buttons on an elevator? Shit yeah, it's the little bits in life that make it worth living.

-Made out in an elevator? Man, good call.

-Swore at your parents? Nearly every day. Never like "Well fuck you too!" or anything. More like "Oh, shit, sorry mom."

-Kicked a guy where it hurts? ELAINE HAS.

-Been in love? Aye.

-Been to a casino? Blarrgh. Damn you to hell, quarter slots. YOU WILL BE THE END OF ME.

-Broken a bone? Nope, I'm unbreakable. But there was this one peculiar "pop" that I'd like to forget...

-Been high? Not for a long while.

-Skinny-dipped? Shit, I've got to conquer the act of swimming, or else people will wonder why there's a naked guy drowned in the Thorold pool.

-Skipped school? Some things were just too important to pass up. In short, yes.

-Flashed someone? If flashing doesn't include being watched while I sleep by a creepy man across the road, then no.

-Saw a therapist/counsellor? No, I'm fine being loopy.

-Done the splits? Are you on dope?

-Played spin the bottle? If by that you mean "get drunk and imagine bottles spinning, but it is only your head," then yes. Otherwise, no.

-Gotten stitches? Seven when I almost chopped off my right index finger. My poor clicking finger, I care too much for you.

-Drank a whole 3 litres of milk in one hour? I would die, you inconsiderate asshole.

-Been to Niagara Falls? Living 10 minutes away, yeah. Had never been behind them until last year, it wasn't too bad. Couldn't see shit though.

-Gotten the chicken pox? OH, THE POX.

-Gotten them twice? POX-RIDDEN ONCE. POX POX POX.

-Crashed into a friend's car? Not a friend's car.

-Been to Japan? Hope to.

-Ridden in a taxi? Even when I don't have the currency and require bailing out, I'm there.

-Shoplifted? Does it count if you lift from your own establishment? Otherwise, no.

-Been fired? My old video store, it was a mutual split. I just slept through my shift, best sleep ever.

-Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back? I guess so.

-Stole something from your job? Oh, here it is. Everyone from Nobleton got videos for Christmas! HOORAY.

-Gone on a blind date? Every date I go on is a half-blind date, oh ho ho!
No, I have not.

-Lied to a friend? Only if it was to protect them.

-Been to Europe? Yeah, a few times. Love it there.

-Slept with a co-worker? Jesus shit no.

-Gotten divorced? No, don't count on it.

-Had children? THEY ARE DELICIOUS. No.

-Seen someone die? I once shot a man in Flin Flon.

-Been to Africa? Well, Morocco. So, yes.

-Driven over 400 km in one day? More than once.

-Been to Canada? From Quebec City to Alberta. Want to visit the Maritimes (if they stop smoking a bit, for Christ's sake), and BC. Chillin'.

-Been on a plane? Yeah, can't sleep on them though.

-Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show? I think so, long ago.

-Thrown up in a bar? Not that I remember. I don't think so, no.

-Eaten Sushi? Vegetarian, yeah. I'd try the fish one, but I know I won't dig it.

-Been snowboarding? Once, that sucked. Got going pretty well, realized I couldn't stop, nailed a snowboard trailer. I was trapped, and two nice Chinese ladies helped me out. They mocked me.

-Been water skiing? Haha, I'd die.

-Met someone in person from the internet? Soon, at Otakon. I'm a huge nerd.

-Been moshing? It's fun to mosh to shit like Gordon Lightfoot, but at a concert, no.

-Been to a motocross show? I would, mrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnn!

-Lost a child? Define "lost."

-Gone to college/University? Brock, nothing, then Brock again.

-Graduated college/University? Ask again in about 15 years.

-Tried killing yourself? Not intentionally. (See two posts down.)

-Tried hurting yourself? I get my fingers stuck in the straw holes in cups you get from McDonald's and Wendys. They hurt, but they are so mysterious! I MUST KNOW THEIR SECRET.

-Taken painkillers? I think I did for my stitches.

-Had someone cheat on you? Nope

-Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes and yes.

-Had a crush on someone you shouldn't? Probably, they always passed though. Except that Ginny Weasley. Mmmmm.

-Fucked up school because of a problem with weed? Not weed. Beer and Super Nintendo played a major part in my downward spiral to success!

-Own an iPod? Yeah, 4th Generation 20gb model named Maho.

-Fancy someone on your friend list? Elaine's on my list, so yeah.

-Kissed someone of the same sex? Nope.

That's the end of that. There you go.

Moment of Zen: Why is the hamster's ass blue?

The suburban house is under quarantine!

Just curious, are you interested in these? $250,000, eh? Pocket change.

Moment of Zen: Stop! Stop pooping in the tube!

They'll hiss at you!

"Finally," cried the masses.

I just missed out on going to the States with Elaine and her family. My stomach aches, no doubt thanks to a delicious-yet-unnecessary toasted Western I had at lunch. You see, my stomach has had quite a glorious history of sucking:

When I was about fourteen I decided that water was boring. I desired sugars and bubbles and all sorts of fancy things not found in bland, adventureless water. Thus I turned to Coke, Crystal Light, and probably juice boxes or something. I don't know. Let me tell you, kids, when your body tells you to drink water, I stress that one must actually drink water. My body wanted it, but I was too stupid to realize it. I even made my grandparents take me to the local pool so I could swim, which was completely out-of-character - if you don't know me, I am the least sea-worthy person on the planet. I didn't listen to my body and paid for it in spades. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital with very severe dehydration. I was in there for a good few days, and my parents were none too pleased with my predicament. Following my stint in the hospital, returning to normal, I realized "Oh shits, my stomach, it hurts when I have the milk products." Turns out, lactose intolerance is sometimes an offshoot of dehydration. Fun times.

Beyond that, I ate a box of Certs in a few days when I was about fifteen, and essentially turned my stomach's fluid from an acid to a base. To this day I can't swallow spit from gum, toothpaste, or eat acidic or minty things much. Also, eggs give me issues. Ergo, the problem with the delicious toasted Western.

Back to why I didn't make it to the lovely state of New York this evening:

Aside from my stomach being in vague, recurring agony, I also wasn't too sure on whether or not my license would be sufficient I.D. to enter the country. Elaine's parents assured me it would, but my stomach and lack of identification said no. Also, her brother mentioned that if it didn't work out, they could leave me at duty-free for a few hours. I like him.

Moving on to other matters...

No more "rock-out with the drop-out" parties, at least for a few months - I'm going back to school! I finally signed up for classes, so I should change the "school status" bit at the top to "attending!" or something equally nifty. I'm not - as I had hoped - a film student, but meh. My course load is interesting and easy, so I doubt I'll be stressing half as much as I did in first year. BA in Gen. Arts, here I come.

In a related note, my Super Nintendo time will be severely cut this year to prevent any...mishaps.

We got a hamster, Elaine and I. Well, she bought it, but as long as it's here littering my floor with errant shavings, it is mine as well. Here're two pics of her. We bought her at SuperPet under a week ago and she's already spoiled. I mean, check out her goddamn cage, seriously. She loves the fucking tubes way too much. Her name is Bantha, a name clearly used in upper-class circles. It was either Bantha, Hermione, or Adi Gallia, so I think our choice was the best of the three (or lesser of three evils?).

Speaking of girlfriends and animals, Elaine moves in September. The animal being the cat, who she cared for over the summer. Pepsi, insane stinkbomb of a cat, I salute you. For you have not scratched me in a way that would draw blood, as any other cat surely would have. But man, do you ever reek. At SuperPet we were standing in line while getting Bantha, and Elaine said to me, "Oh, hey, a robot litterbox!" I told her that as good an idea as it sounds, people have not had good times going down that road.

A few things before I go:

• This pleases me.
• This is handy, if it works. I'll have to try it in the library.
• This is the best picture I have seen in a long while. (Yes, it's old. I forgot about it.)
• And this demands your attention immediately.

See you in September, perchance.

Moment of Zen: "You mean there's a course called Listening to Music? Sign me up for that shit!"

Well...

Long story short, no post tonight. But tomorrow!