Headbutts.

Zidane, I don't know what the hell you were thinking, but I hope you had a really good reason to do what you did.

I hear out my window the honking of Civics and Accords, Italy won. I still maintain that they took tons of bitch falls, are huge cowards who can only get the ball by mobbing, and cry faster than a baby dropped in the onion bin. Otherwise, they did play well.

My word to Italians not listed here: you are not on the squad. You did not play in the game. You, most likely have never even played soccer. The first time one of you says "WE won", I will bitchslap you so hard that your only Italian ancestor who came to Canada 80 years ago will turn over in their grave, coughing up leftover meatballs that their nona made.

So, Italians, revel. So, Canadian Italians, shut-uppa-you-traps, and take those fucking flags off your cars. Watch out, though, when you're high-fiving each other, you might just hurt your ankles.

Moment of Zen: "Malone: Ah, I knew it. That's all you need, one thieving wop on the team."