15 August 2004

Desperation's the tenderest trap, so gently you go

I just finished watching The Butterfly Effect. I adamantly denounce the Chaos Theory for one reason - it pisses me right the fuck off. I can't think about that crap. If I didn't type that last sentence, could my life have been totally different? Who knows? Not me. Drives me up the goddamn wall.

The movie wasn't as bad as I was told it would be, but it wasn't exactly grand by any means. It was formulaic and kind of predictable, with a bit of shock value thrown in for good measure. Chrono Trigger for the SNES did time travel much better. At least I was in the mood for a movie that did the thinking for me; I wasn't up for anything deep anyhow.

In the car, while driving Sarah home, she and I started to shoot the shit about the movie. I guess Ashton succeeded; I began to think about the movie after it was finished. Granted, all it did was make me think about what I would do if I were to change something about my life, in the same fashion that Kelso himself did. I really don't like thinking about that sort of stuff. I know two things that I would ponder changing. First, I'd go back to second grade and get my ass out of the sand pit at school. This, in effect, would have either prevented or delayed my becoming blind in my left eye. It would have eliminated all the crap I had to go through when explaining why I couldn't do sports like the other kids. It would have made me less cynical, less jaded, less bitter and defiant against others. Or would it have? That's the problem. I'm happy as I am today. Not mega-happy, but I've learned to take what I can get. Roll with the punches, as it were. Who's to say that had I not been in the sand pit that day that I wouldn't have died or lost a limb or a friend the next day?

...no. I'm not thinking about this right now. Shouldn't have even brought it up.

Oh, the second thing I was thinking about changing (but thinking of the reprecussions, in retrospect I don't think I would) is that I would've done a lot of things in high school differently. But then, maybe I wouldn't have.

But - moving on.

Next year should be good. "Next year" meaning the start of the next school year. Which hardly affects me. Either way, it should be good. I can't wait to move in to my house, drink myself silly and start some projects that I've had tossing around for a while. My NES PC will see the light of day, as will B-Rock Pirate Radio. Should be grand fun.

I'm quite pumped for CNAnime. I've got my ticket, all I need to do is keep some money in my pocket until then. Less time in bars this month means more time watching anime next. I'll wait until September to become the raging alcoholic I was once, only five short months ago.


Moment of Zen: She remembered the beauty, she remembered desire, and her memories filled her with light.

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